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| It's been a while.
And it will probably be a while until I stumble across this again.
Just thought I'd say hello to the fad that was xanga.
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Would someone like to explain, so that it is crystal clear to me, why
exactly I apparently NEVER DESERVE TO BE TOLD THE
TRUTH?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!
Sometimes friends tell each other the truth. Wait, no, ALL THE TIME friends tell each other the truth.
I'm fucking sick of being lied to.
This is not directed at just one person. This is directed to everyone.
Don't fucking lie to me. If I ask you something, don't lie to my face
about it. Chances are, I already know the answer.
And if something's up that you know I won't be happy about, tell me
right away. I'll be a lot less pissed then than if you let it continue
until I find out in some roundabout way.
Just fucking tell me what's going on, and tell me the truth.
Everyone, please. I'm fucking sick of this.
Oh, and one more thing-
Don't judge me, either.
And don't joke about something if you feel the need to say "I'm sorry
if that offended you" afterward. If you call me a Nazi because I'm from
Germany (and additionally, think you're super clever for thinking of
that because I've never heard it before), then yeah, I will be offended
because it not only insults me but also something that is a huge part
of my identity. So just shut the fuck up. Maybe you're just joking, but
it really does piss me off.
Thanks.
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| Aagghhh......
You fucking ass hole. If you know I'm already upset why the HELL would
you try and confront me about my behavior towards you over the past few
months??
Yeah, I have fucking changed, and thank god. I'd rather be who I am now
than who I ever was before. And no, I won't let you blame chambers. Or
anything. It's nothing's and no one's fault, it's called growing up,
and you could use some of it too. But if nothing else, please don't
blame chambers. Chambers is indescribable to anyone outside the
ensemble and especially outside of AHS, so don't you dare say a word
about what you soooo don't understand.
I'm sorry if i seem a little bit cold to you at times... but you are my
ex, so isn't that a bit expected?? I can't get over you unless I
distance myself from you, don't you know that?? I lead you on for so
long that eventually I had to be mean, to un-lead you on!!
I'm not a different girl. I'm still me. Hi, here I am. I still love
bassoon, no less than I did 'before', in fact, probably more. I love
music and you know that and no matter how you try to guilt me, you and
I both know that I always have and always will love music. MYS and
chambers are as important to me now as they ever have been, as are the
people in those areas. I'm still the same person. I've grown up in a
year, but what the hell did you expect? Oh, and just for the record? If
you lived with my family circumstance I'm pretty sure you'd shoot up in
maturity years too. Yeah, everyone has a hard time at home once in a
while. And admittedly, I usually enjoy being at home. But the stress
and pressure at home that i live under is significantly different than
what you deal with. So just because my parents don't follow my academic
progress on a daily basis, encourage me to do my homework, and organize
my college applications, doesn't mean I'm an unparented hooligan. I
could write pages about this, but that's a different story.
In conclusion: Yeah, I've changed. And? I know that- you don't have to
tell me. What the fuck does it matter? We can still be friends. I'm not
being a bitch, I'm just not the same person I was before. Just deal
with it. Don't blame anything in my life, when honestly, what the hell
do you know about my life? Just accept it.
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I haven't written anything in almost exactly three months. Minus four days, since it's only December 20.
My
life has been kind of like this: jfdskajfklsdajf
dhawuoefhoisdjflkdsjklfasdjl !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! since thanksgiving.
You can thank chambers for that. But I wouldn't trade it for anything.
It's been wonderful. Wassail was last night so it's kind of over, but
it's also just beginning. Yay.
Anyway I'm sick as a dog
(actually, sicker than my dogs, since they appear to be fine) so I'm at
home for the time being, even though it's the last day of school before
winter break. I'm going to school with Alex for choir and band and
resource, so that's fun. I'm finishing my English paper, though, so
that's not as much fun.
Le sigh. Should get back to work.
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| Whoa!!
I'm writing.
Why, you ask?
Because life is ridiculous!!!
Good, bad, weird, boring, you name it!!!
But it is beautiful.
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